When Worship Sounds Like Screaming

It’s been a long time since I’ve had a really good worship session – mostly due to not being in a local congregation right now – and I’ve been missing that closeness I tend to only feel when I’m over my head in song, hands raised unabashedly in surrender. So today I sent the girls into their playroom to play while I assembled the chili for tonight’s dinner, setting up my Praise station on Spotify before getting to work on the onions and peppers. If there’s anything that draws the song from my heart it’s music and cooking.

Every so often I peeked in on the girls to answer a question or settle a disagreement, but mostly they were doing well entertaining themselves. Felling satisfied with their behavior, I closed my eyes and let myself sway to the music; it wasn’t long before I was belting out along with Christy Nockels. I was relishing the peace and calm, and was about to really sing my heart out to my favorite part of the song when somewhere from the playroom there came a CRASH, and a high pitched scream from a little girl beginning a tantrum.

Immediately my peace evaporated. Anger came rushing in, and I began to storm into the playroom ready to verbally unleash on the two children who interrupted my worship time.

Just five minutes! Is that too much to ask?!

Just before I crossed the kitchen threshold, though, the Holy Spirit overwhelmed me. In an instant the Father graciously and lovingly rebuked me.

The songs don’t matter. This is worship. This laying down your life for the sake of your children in My name; this is the worship that I love. Let your worship be seen in the way that you love the least of them.

And it humbled me.

I think about the sweetest fragrances in life, how they can only be found through crushing; being intentionally broken apart and pressed down.

So is the aroma of my worship.

In the moments when I’m pressed, and continue to live out worship; those are the sweetest to Him.

So, sweet mama, I just want to stop and encourage you. Maybe you’re out there feeling like I was today, and if you are then stop, take a deep breath and remember; among the mess and the imperfections and the frustration, He sees the beauty of what you are so carefully cultivating – and sometimes worship can sound a whole lot like screaming.